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These days


These days of uncertainly and disruption make having a routine essential. Sure, it’s easy and even acceptable to lie on my sofa, eat chips, scroll mindlessly through social media while ripping farts that no one but I can hear or smell, but it’s more invigorating to establish a consistent routine; A time to get my ass out of bed, have some coffee, go for a long walk, read, watch bad kung fu movies, listen to 70s rock n roll, coat my hands in pungent alcohol 50 times a day, block CNN from my consciousness, think about how much I really liked that Quebecois girl I dated a couple years ago who dumped me after only two weeks, and of course, let my family and friends know that I’m alive and well, and that my ghastly beard is only going to grow more unkempt. That's fine with me, in fact, it reminds me of George Carlin's poem about hair that he recited on The Tonight Show.

These trying times also inspire you to think about what you're grateful for, so here goes...

Thank God for overpriced craft beer that can be delivered contact-free to your door, video chats with friends and family where pants and even shirts are optional, my extensive collection of weird movies on Blu-ray, the desire to dance naked (no one would ever be able to prove it) the fact that my cooking is improving and that I don't have to serve anyone but myself, the budgeting software that helps me save money to buy one of those racing car beds, and finally, the knowledge that when this is all over, I can return to one of my guilty pleasures: double-dipping potato chips at your house.

In the meantime, walk softly and speak moistly.





Comments

  1. AnnalilieJuly 18, 2020 at 7:48 AM

    Nice work bud! Love your humourous style. Very intelligent

    ReplyDelete

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