Andy Speaks

Sorry, but I'm just not feeling it today. I don't feel like getting out of bed early like all the normal people. I don't feel like raking the leaves. I don't feel like reading. I certainly don't feel like looking at the news. I don't feel like writing this blog. I'm restless, angry, tired, uninspired. I have an abundance of things I want to say to you, but I don't have the vocabulary. I'm rendered inarticulate, or at least that's how I feel. Though, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Let me know when you're done reading this.  All I want to do is put on my headphones and play some music as loud as I can. Music is one of my best friends during this "trying time". Why is this time referred to as 'trying'? It's not the time that's trying, it's me. I'm trying as hard as I can Goddamn it! We're all snug inside our cocoons, our "safe spaces". I didn't realize how quickly I would become tired a...

It's cold outside, but I'll still trek out for a long walk. Being obsessive-compulsive ignites my monkey mind and plays my most neurotic greatest hits like a jukebox that only plays a handful of brittle 45s. It's ok, the simple act of taking a long walk helps to purge my thoughts.  I don't drive. My G-1 expired last September and my fear of running over schoolchildren keeps me away from the driver's seat. Besides, buying a car is a lousy investment that I can't afford. Walking is fine. It's always served me well. Walking in silence is good for you, and most people are malnourished when it comes to silence. We spend so much time plugged into The Matrix that we forget how boring activities have simple gifts in store for us. Going for a walk or just sitting and meditating for a few minutes can open your mind to insight and you can solve problems that have been gnawing at you. The mercurial muse might even appear, offering inspiration for a creative project that...

Being single during this pandemic has allowed me to put my desires, anxiety, and longing under a microscope. I've been single for about 95.8% of my life, and since I'm an introvert who likes a certain degree of solitude and autonomy, I'm fully capable of enjoying bachelorhood. That being said, I'm only human and I do experience painful loneliness from time to time, especially in this period of people not being allowed to touch each other. I download and delete dating apps on a regular cycle. I sometimes swear off dating altogether and try to convince myself that being single is much better than I give it credit for. I know of couples who grow restless and bored and go to bed early because they spent too much time arguing over what to watch on Netflix. I don't have that problem, I know how to entertain myself. However, one important thing I've learned about being single is that freedom equals loneliness, and since people need each other, self-sufficiency, or at l...

I finally sat my ass down and chipped away at my novel, revising the first couple of chapters that establish the two protagonists. My total page count is 59 double spaced pages, but I'm not ready to start on page 60 because the first 20 or so still need work. I've made a bit of progress which I'm happy with. I just needed to allow myself to get started. It's like when they say that the hardest part of working out is actually showing up to the gym.  I started playing a Barry White album on my turntable. That was just a random choice. You normally put a Barry White album on because you have a girl over, but in this case, I just needed a cool record to play from start to finish so I could have some tunes playing while I work. I also wanted to see if I could write for the length of an entire album. I decided to write for at least the length of Barry White's I've Got So Much To Give LP. I will only get up from my writing desk to switch sides. A few minutes pass. Hey...

Last year I started writing my first novel. Fast forward to the present and I'm only 50 pages into a very rough first draft. Without going into details, I'll tell you that I have two main characters, two men with extremely different career paths and backgrounds, who nonetheless are very close friends. One is in his mid-30s and the other is around 50. It's a big brother/little brother relationship. It's a "bromance", a road story where a vintage muscle car serves as their chariot through a long, strange trip through the open road towards Death Valley, one of the hottest places on earth. That's all I'll tell you about the story, as half baked as it is at the moment. Today I finally came up with a working title, "I'm Driving As Fast As I Can." I may throw that title away, but in the meantime, don't steal it.  I came up with it during one of my daily walks through the neighborhood. Now that I think of it, "I'm Driving As Fast...

Here I sit in my backyard gazebo, my feet on resting on a glass table, the springtime sun beaming down on my black motorcycle hat that belonged to my late father. I don't have to go to work today, I also can't go to work today, or this week, or this month, nor can I work virtually from home, because I'm employed at a small business that can't be open while the invisible threat is floating around. Daily life has turned into a monotonous extended weekend that never ends. I can go for long walks, but I can't sit on a public bench. I can sit at home alone and drink all the beer I want but I can't patronize my favorite pub and hang out with the regulars. I'm not allowed to work or touch or get physically close to the ones I love, but I can binge anything I want, tv-series, old movies, podcasts, junk food, coffee, alcohol. I can't take the risks I usually take, like taking public transit to go into work and be around strangers and co-workers. There'...