Skip to main content

Unattached But Not Detached


Being single during this pandemic has allowed me to put my desires, anxiety, and longing under a microscope. I've been single for about 95.8% of my life, and since I'm an introvert who likes a certain degree of solitude and autonomy, I'm fully capable of enjoying bachelorhood. That being said, I'm only human and I do experience painful loneliness from time to time, especially in this period of people not being allowed to touch each other. I download and delete dating apps on a regular cycle. I sometimes swear off dating altogether and try to convince myself that being single is much better than I give it credit for. I know of couples who grow restless and bored and go to bed early because they spent too much time arguing over what to watch on Netflix. I don't have that problem, I know how to entertain myself. However, one important thing I've learned about being single is that freedom equals loneliness, and since people need each other, self-sufficiency, or at least your illusion of it, has serious limits whether you admit it or not. You can try to convince yourself that you don't need anyone all you want. Nothing makes me happier than a 70s kung fu movie, but it would be nicer to share the joy of it with another person. 

There's an internet subculture you may have heard of called MGTOW ("Men Going Their Own Way") Basically, it's men who either went through a painful breakup or faced too much rejection and have decided to live a life of self-imposed celibacy in Reddit forums. It's like The He-Man Woman Haters from The Little Rascals, though not as cleverly titled. While I understand hurt, alienation, and bitterness, I've been pretty good at not allowing myself permission to succumb to any of that. I spend a great deal of time online just like anyone else, but I'm too romantic and optimistic to broadcast any bitter discontent and join a club full of defeat, even though I have some empathy for those that do. 

To get the most out of being unattached and alone, rather than sink into the mire of the internet troll world, I think the key is to practice focusing on something substantial and transcendent. Hence this crude attempt at a personal blog where I can ramble, indulge myself, and practice writing. It's more fulfilling than the monotony of Tinder. 

If you can't lose yourself in someone else, you can lose yourself in a great novel, movie, or album. The other day, I saw this YouTube video of the great opera singer Maria Callas singing Carmen and her performance contained such radiant beauty and joy that it really took me out of my lonely state, even for only six minutes. She looked so happy. It was moving. I'm not an opera aficionado, but that got me. I suppose the point I'm trying to make is if you can't enjoy a small piece of opera by your lonesome then how could you expect to enjoy the company of whoever you're dating? 





Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sit Your Ass Down and Write - Part One

Last year I started writing my first novel. Fast forward to the present and I'm only 50 pages into a very rough first draft. Without going into details, I'll tell you that I have two main characters, two men with extremely different career paths and backgrounds, who nonetheless are very close friends. One is in his mid-30s and the other is around 50. It's a big brother/little brother relationship. It's a "bromance", a road story where a vintage muscle car serves as their chariot through a long, strange trip through the open road towards Death Valley, one of the hottest places on earth. That's all I'll tell you about the story, as half baked as it is at the moment. Today I finally came up with a working title, "I'm Driving As Fast As I Can." I may throw that title away, but in the meantime, don't steal it.  I came up with it during one of my daily walks through the neighborhood. Now that I think of it, "I'm Driving As Fast...
2 comments
Read more

ANxIETY with a Lower Case 'x".

It's just weather, really. Looking at my emotions as objectively as possible,  I can judge them merely as constantly changing bits of energy that come and go, like moving clouds; Why become attached to the clouds?  When you ask the average person how they're doing, you know they'll respond with, "I'm good." regardless of the truth. When people asked my father how he was doing he would often respond with, "Sunny with some cloudy periods."  The old man could be incredibly astute and honest when it was easier to be banal.  I'm pre-disposed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, as well as Asperger's Syndrome. At least they told me so when I was a child. It helps to get a diagnosis for the pervasive anxiety that follows you throughout your life. It rationalizes the irrational. When I was a kid, I experienced distressing, intrusive thoughts. I still do. I once read that the difference between people who have OCD and people who don't is that peopl...
1 comment
Read more

One Foot In Front of the Other

It's cold outside, but I'll still trek out for a long walk. Being obsessive-compulsive ignites my monkey mind and plays my most neurotic greatest hits like a jukebox that only plays a handful of brittle 45s. It's ok, the simple act of taking a long walk helps to purge my thoughts.  I don't drive. My G-1 expired last September and my fear of running over schoolchildren keeps me away from the driver's seat. Besides, buying a car is a lousy investment that I can't afford. Walking is fine. It's always served me well. Walking in silence is good for you, and most people are malnourished when it comes to silence. We spend so much time plugged into The Matrix that we forget how boring activities have simple gifts in store for us. Going for a walk or just sitting and meditating for a few minutes can open your mind to insight and you can solve problems that have been gnawing at you. The mercurial muse might even appear, offering inspiration for a creative project that...
Post a Comment
Read more